A note changes everything
by TimelessLoves
Summary: Pam makes a move right after Jim returns from Stanford and resolves the season 3 angst much sooner.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the wonderful TV show "The Office" or NBC

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The fluorescent lights seemed especially harsh today as Pam came back from her lunch break. Her mood was as gray as the clouds rumbling overhead and checking the phone messages did nothing to help. One automated call from a politician, one from a telemarketer and one from Jim saying he wouldn't be back from his sales call until after 4:30. Pam bit her lip as the emotionless voice asked her to make some copies of the papers on his desk. Her shoulders slumped further downwards as the message ended, without even a "thanks". Since his return from Stanford, Jim seemed more distant than the automated ads.

Glancing down at her finished to-do list, she decided to just leave the papers on his desk and slip out before 4:30. His rejection of her offer to get coffee yesterday was still too fresh. Listening to Dwight's rant about "early weekends stealing company time" would be easier then facing the blank indifference on Jim's face.

Mind made up, Pam deleted first two messages, then grabbed Jim's papers and started the copier going. While waiting, she checked her work e-mail, stifling a groan as Kelly's name popped up in the first three lines.

No matter how many times she had tried to hint that ads for makeup sales or animal e-cards were not work-related, Kelly still sent her something almost every day. Today's first subject line read MOST ROMANTIC THING EVER-MUST READ NOW! Sighing, Pam glanced her clock - 1:10. Now she had to at least glance at whatever it was or Kelly would insist on telling her all afternoon.

Clicking on the subject line, then the link, she sat back in her chair and braced herself for another 20 page article on celebrity engagements. But to her surprise, when the page opened there was only a list of what looked like quotes. The title at the top of the page confirmed it. "The 100 Best Love Quotes of All Time!" A small chuckle escaped her. At least someone else had as much enthusiasm as Kelly did. With a glance around the quiet office, Pam shrugged, then started reading.

Scrolling down the page, she laughed at the quips and jokes, feeling the tension leaving her shoulders. It seemed everyone from Socrates to Winnie the Pooh had written something about love during their lifetime. Clicking down to the bottom, Pam scanned the last line and stopped.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."  
-Lao Tzu

Slowly she read the line over again, until the beeping of the copier interrupted her thoughts. Jumping up, she quickly grabbed her copies and hit the clear button, ignoring the disgruntled looks from her fellow workers. The copies slipped easily back into the folder, but Pam couldn't bring herself to put it on Jim's desk.

Putting these papers down would be the easy way out. It was the logical next step to fend off any more awkward moments, stilted conversations, or a seemingly impossible friendship. It would be ignoring his eyes at the Booze Cruise, pretending to believe that the vending machine always gave him an extra bag of her favorite chips, just another "I can't" in the quiet denial that had always defined them.

Lost in memories, she suddenly glanced at the clock, it was now or never. Grabbing a notecard from her desk, she jotted down the quote at the top of the card, then dropped the pen, hesitating. How do you apologize for years of denial and hurt in a 3 by 5 space? With a deep breath, she remembered the moment on casino night when he had stood before her, completely vulnerable. Now it was her turn. Picking up the pen, she let the words flow.

_Jim_

_I'm so sorry I never called—you can't even imagine how sorry. All these years I've refused to admit you were my strength, until you left and...it just seemed to disappear. Right now I need you to know that I have learned to do and say a lot of things these past few months, things that I'd have never thought possible, including writing this. Because I've found my courage, and it's you._

_Pam_

Letting out a shaky breath, Pam quickly tucked the card into an envelope, then slipped the envelope into the green folder. Three steps later, the folder lay in the middle of Jim's desk. Rapidly, she closed down her computer, fumbled into her coat and scarf, gave a general goodbye to the office and hurried out the door, refusing to look back. Bouncing on her heels in front of the elevator, she silently pleaded with it to come faster. Even hurrying out the door, her breathing remained nervous until she had pulled out of the parking lot without spotting Jim's vehicle. The drive to her apartment seemed faster then usual, despite the fact that the light drizzle was quickly turning into a thunderstorm, which forced her to slow down.

In her apartment, Pam forced herself to relax. What she had done, was done. By this time Jim had surely returned. He'd probably opened the file and read the note. Whatever she might have to face at work on Monday, it was all out of her hands now.

A short rummage through the fridge produced some leftovers from last night. Adding grocery shopping to her mental to-do list, Pam popped the food in the microwave and headed for the den. Settling on the couch, she grabbed a book, hoping it was enough to distract her scattered thoughts.

A firm knocking on the front door jolted her awake. Struggling to get up, Pam blinked as she glanced at the clock - 5:30. Then the noise that had woken her came again, a little louder then before. With a yawn she headed down the hallway, running a hand over her hair. One glance out the peek hole stopped her mid-motion. A soaking wet, drenched to the skin, Jim Halpert stood there, and as she looked, he raised his hand to knock again. Quickly, she undid the bolt and opened the door. With a fake laugh she asked "Really Jim, is Dwight staking out your apartment again?"

But Jim didn't return the laugh or offer an attempt at their usual banter. Instead they stood face to face, wrapped in a silence that made each raindrop sound like a cannon shot as it hit the ground.

Looking into Jim's eyes, Pam almost gasped. The longing she had seen so for so many years, but never dared to acknowledge, was there, but it was tempered with another emotion. An emotion that had appeared once before on Casino Night, a do or die look, that she had never been able to erase from her memory.

After a few seconds of frozen eternity, Jim finally spoke, his voice almost horse. "What if I told you, that from my first day at the office, you gave me the courage to get up every morning and face another day of Dwight and Michael and everyone else who works there?"

Breathing out a nervous sigh, Pam gave a slight nod and replied "I would believe you and...tell you that I feel the same way."

As if seeing her for the first time, Jim took a shaky breath, as he hesitantly asked "And if I told you that you are the only one I have ever or ever will want to give me that courage...?"

Looking back, Pam was never really sure who closed the gap first. All she knew, is that one second they were a foot apart, Jim's question lingering in the air between them, and the next she was wrapped in Jim's arms, droplets on his scarf mingling with her tears of joy. For a minute he held her so tight that she thought they might end up permanently melded together. Before she could convince herself that was a bad thing, he had released her and was lowering his face toward hers. In the second before their lips met, Pam made a mental note to send Kelly an e-card first thing Monday. That one with the dancing teddy bear would be perfect.


End file.
